Festivals, Screenings, Releases, Oh My!
12/5/24: Last year at the end of October I first saw myself on a big screen as an actor in the Horror 48 - a year later my first short film as writer/director premiered! It’s hard to believe that it’s only been a year…I’ve learned and experienced so much during that time, including getting to know so many amazing folks who’ve become my collaborators. Literally living my childhood dream!
I was on the Around the Reel podcast a month ago speaking about the process of casting/shooting and writing characters that are less gendered. They asked about my plan for the release of Vault, and what I decided was that I wanted two things: for people to see it and for there to be some sort of exchange and engagement around it. I started pursuing that aim before post-production finished, and with some hustling we were able to get Vault into Dreadfest! It was INCREDIBLE to see it up there, and several major contributors (like Nicky Smit, our cinematographer) hadn’t seen the finished product. It was super well-received and I was kind of on a high all night. A few weeks later we had a cast/crew and family/friends/Indiegogo backers screening at Two Fingers Social. I loved being able to introduce the film and have a short Q&A afterwards - people asked really thoughtful questions about the mythology of the world we’d created, how it was shot, and my inspiration in writing it. The most thought-provoking question I got was whether or not I’d want to tell more stories in the world of Vault. I hadn’t considered that idea, but guess what I’m writing right now (LOL). It was also awesome to mingle with people and chat before and after, and everyone wanted to see it again so we screened it twice! Got to share it again last night at the Chromadreams Film Festival, which was extra special - I’ve been working with the Chromadreamers since my first film, and many of them contributed to the project!
What’s next for Vault? Online release!! I had applied for a few more festivals next year but decided I just don’t want to wait any longer - I’m circling back to my main objectives of wanting people to see it and engage with it, and there’s no better place for that than online! Stay tuned to my social media (Vault FB page and/or my Insta/Bluesky) for some cool BTS videos and info about the mid-December release (including a planned live Q&A on the same day). I’m so thankful for all the support I’ve received from friends and colleagues - it’s emboldened me to keep creating new stories, the next of which (a queer artsy meet-cute of sorts named “Poster”) is in pre-production! Let’s keep creating during the cold winter months :)
Into the Vault
9/18/24: We spent this past Saturday at Fort Flagler shooting principal photography for Vault, and I’m thrilled with both the experience and the results!! I had an incredible time directing my first film, and am so grateful to have had the chance to tell a cool story with some awesome people. The tagline for the film emerged late in pre-production: “What was lost must be reclaimed.” This theme of nature taking back what was stolen played out in so many amazing ways over the course of discussions around character/motivation, setting, cinematography methods, and the feel of the shoot itself.
This film was a long time in coming - and by that I mean that the inspiration for it was over 20 years ago. I was lucky enough to be cast in a dance ensemble work that was filmed on location at Fort Worden called “A Clear Day and No Memories.” Therefore my first introduction to the magic of the Washington forts was an immersive 8-day experience where we explored choreography, costumes and lighting to create an avant garde short film from the mind of Maureen Whiting. Since that time I’ve visited all the forts multiple times, and have countless photos and videos of myself experiencing the spaces…when it came time to write my first screenplay, there wasn’t any doubt in my mind where it would be set. Tons of thanks to the MUSTER writing group, the Seattle Horror Filmmakers FB group, and the Chromadreamers collective for supporting me in the development of the script and finding partners to create this film!
I have to give shoutouts to the amazing cast and crew that helped make the filming for Vault go off without a hitch! I couldn’t have done it without Christina Morales, whose tireless effort and seasoned insights as producer/AD made this film happen. Nicky Smit brought focus and a willingness to try new things as an experienced DP working with phone technology and a found footage genre. My talented core of creatures/background came from the Unstoppable: A Queer Dancical cast - thank you Kiran, Franco, Vivian and Richard for the professionalism and poise you brought to this film! Raphael Liu was irreplaceable not only as a grip and boom operator, but also as a problem-solver and overall calm presence on the shoot. Misha Lepire traveled to the shoot even though his main role on the film is in post production sound design - he managed the slate all day, captured sound he wanted recorded, and kept me company on the long drive to and from the fort! Amy Phillips was beyond clutch as both SFX makeup on set and the concept and construction of most of the creature costumes. Robin Brooks helped immeasurably as the wardrobe supervisor, sourcing tons of costume pieces, connecting with the cast and laboring over the main creature look. Logan Cannon (my set bestie) brought his acting talent to the role of Horns and his teddy-bear personality to the set, developing that character beyond what I had envisioned. And speaking of vision - Emma Archbold played the lead character Riley with so much creativity, flexibility and nuance that I was blown away. Thanks also to the park rangers and managers (especially Aaron Terada and Brian Hageman) for doing so much to help our on-location shoot go smoothly, and OTS Films for providing insurance!
Next steps for the footage are already rolling - we’re meeting with an editor on Monday to discuss timelines and process, and I hope to have a finished film in a couple months! Please contribute to the Indiegogo (or share it if you can’t contribute) so we can finish post production and be able to screen the film - thanks for coming along on the journey!!
Stunt School
8/17/24: I recently finished 3 weeks of intensive stunt performer training with the International Stunt School and it was an INCREDIBLE experience. I checked off a ton of things on my movement bucket list like being set on fire, jumping from heights, doing wire work and learning how to do a slide 180 in a car, but what I took away from those few weeks was so much more than I could ever have hoped for. If you wanna follow some of the journey, you can check my Highlight!
I learned a ton about the stunt industry, not only from the many candid conversations and anecdotes of the instructors, but also the detailed business meetings teaching us the ins and outs and etiquette of the profession. The instructors were approachable, extremely knowledgeable and humble while also holding themselves and us to a high standard of behavior. I understand so much more now about how to create and execute dynamic, realistic-looking fights thanks to weeks of technique work, choreography filming/review, and discussions on camera movement, lenses and placement. And though all this information is invaluable for my career, I also walked away with some deeper learnings that I'm still trying to process.
I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was, both mentally and physically. I went through a major body reorganization a week or so before stunt school, and between that and anticipating I'd be the oldest person there (which I was, but not by a lot), I was trying to accept the idea that I might not be able to do very much of the actual training. I was hoping to listen and learn everything I could while doing as much of the movement as I could manage. But while I was incredibly sore and definitely came away with my fair share of bruises and bone-level exhaustion, I actually never needed to sit out of an exercise and was lucky enough to not have any injuries. I was also surprised to realize that I’d developed the ability to take feedback and criticism with a growth mindset that allowed me to progress and learn the way I've always wanted to (thanks to the last year or so of therapy). I found new ways to forge connections and support people I work with, and made so many new friends from all walks of life, ages and ambitions. It was such an overwhelmingly positive experience, and I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity.
So what's next? I'm going to be getting together with some of the Washington folks to train and film content for our reels, which I’m excited to combine with some of the “good camera” footage from ISS when it’s uploaded. I'm seeking out opportunities to do small stunts and also create fight choreography for some local films. I'm getting back into martial arts training with Ten Kicks and making it out to some of the community education events hosted by Action Driving Collective. The Seattle Sockeye workshop event is coming up in a few weeks, and I can’t wait to take more classes from amazing Seattle instructors! And I'm continuing to distill my tons of notes from ISS into a form that I can keep in my back pocket as I move forward in this industry. Thanks a ton to my family and friends for supporting me in this endeavor, and highly recommend this school for anyone interested in stunts!!
RenConnection
7/9/24: After taking a year to fully lean into my passion for acting and filmmaking, I'm recharged and excited to start doing some movement coaching with people again! Film will still be my primary pursuit, but 20+ years of expertise in personal training, strength & conditioning and group health education isn't so easily put aside. I love helping people connect with their bodies through movement!
In years past I devoted a lot of energy towards helping a specific population (ultimate frisbee athletes of all ages) hone their technique, reduce injuries and get stronger. If you're interested in reading some of my older sports-specific articles, you can check them out here, and I recommend ultimate players check out the virtual programs still offered through Strive & Uplift! In this coaching reboot I hope to work often with actors to help them feel more confident embodying their characters and preparing for specific roles. I’m also psyched to utilize my expertise in navigating the gray area between PT after an injury and the return to full activity. I cherish opportunities to work with people who've never felt comfortable in gym spaces, especially those who are marginalized because of gender identity, sexual orientation or neurodivergence.
I'll be offering mostly virtual services including personal training, workshops and consultations as well as some limited in-person workshops and workout programming. If you or someone you know is looking for movement coaching, keep your eyes peeled for a mid-August launch of RenConnection!
A Work in Progress
5/9/24: One of my favorite musical artists in college was Ani DiFranco. Her music was a revelation to a kid just coming into their queerness and autonomy, a thousand miles away from the place they grew up. I choreographed and performed a solo contemporary dance piece my senior year to “the slant,” a spoken word piece from one of her albums. The lyric that touched me the most (then and now) was “I am a work in progress…” That sentiment is the truth of my whole life - I’m always growing and changing, seeking new experiences, seeking to become. Maybe it’s the ADHD.
In my short amount of time in the film acting world, I’ve discovered the importance of putting in the work. And by “work” I don’t just mean memorizing the lines and showing up to auditions and jobs prepared. I mean the shadow work of doing things you’re bad at. Trying roles that you’re not sure you can do. Picking the scripts that scare you instead of the ones you can do in your sleep. And also something that I’m trying to do more of, which is: letting people see something that’s in progress. Because, at the end of the day, we are ALL in progress - and we’re not fooling anyone by acting as if we’ve got it all together. So here’s a piece of a monologue I’m working on - it’s a hard one for me, and I am…in progress.
Community in Theatre & Film
2/6/24: It's less than 2 weeks until I'm on stage for the premiere of Unstoppable: A Queer Dancical! I'm playing the complex and dynamic character of Susan Monroe, a politician caught between her ambition and her heart. It's been a fascinating journey of discovery and collaboration in exploring the inner life of this person, a process that was greatly helped by finding the perfect wig. It's unbelievable how much having the “right” outside representation can help clarify the character, both for me and for the performers/audience!
The best part of this theater experience by far has been the coming together of a diverse and incredible queer cast and crew. I was excited to see so many amazing actors and dancers at auditions, and getting to know everyone so well over the last few months has been a joy and a privilege. The last few days of tech rehearsals have been long and at times difficult, but I feel strongly after our first full run through Sunday night that we have an awesome show on our hands! Please consider buying tickets to come out (LOL) and enjoy a great performance! After we wrap this show, I’ve decided to focus on film projects and small-scale dance opportunities at least for the rest of the year, for a couple reasons…
Working in theatre vs film in terms of the process and experience is incredibly different! As a young adult and in college, I loved being in the theater all afternoon/evening because it was time to hang out with my friends and connect artistically around a project. I didn’t mind being away from home because I found community during those long days in the auditorium doing acting exercises and working on choreography for the fall musical. As an adult in my late 40’s, however, it’s been challenging to commit time and mental/emotional energy to such a lengthy project (frequent rehearsals starting in October and shows wrapping in March). I have a family, lots of other things I want to do in the evenings, and I need rest and downtime to deal with some health conditions that have popped up. I’m finding the pace and schedule of filmmaking much “kinder” at this point in my life - I can learn my lines and rehearse on my own time during the day when I’m awake and alert and my family is otherwise occupied with work or school. I can show up for a few days at a time and devote all my energy, and then be rewarded for that effort with a finished product that will last a lifetime. And I keep making new and awesome community connections with other film enthusiasts in front of and behind the lens (like my Chromadreams pals). I look forward to starting pre-production on my first short film as writer/director and bringing some more amazing characters to life this spring!
2023 Wrapped
12/22/23: 2023 (By the numbers:
Short films/micro micro shorts (actor): 9
Theatrical productions (actor/dancer): 3
Crew positions (location scout, PA): 2
Self-produced reels: 3
Table reads (actor): 2
Script writing/reading groups attended: 3
Websites/blog posts created: 6
Screenplays written: 1
Audiobook narration volunteer jobs: 1
Acting/voice classes attended: 15
Good times had/incredible people met: immeasurable!
I started exploring the idea of acting in films in May, and got my first job at the beginning of September. Since then it has been a whirlwind!! I've applied for a lot of roles, some of which I didn't get but a surprising number that I did, and have been able to work with and learn from so many amazing people. I've found a new community in the Seattle acting scene and feel SO grateful for all the experiences (good and hard) I've had that have helped me grow as an actor and a person.
I've got some exciting things lined up in the New Year! I'll be buckling down in rehearsals for Unstoppable: A Queer Dancical, which premieres in February with 9 shows at the Broadway Performance Hall. I'm the PA on a short film “Tadpole: An Origin Story” by Nordic Orca Films, which is my first crew position - I'm excited to be experiencing moviemaking on the other side of the lens! Now that I’ve finished my 6-week training, I’ll be recording my first audiobooks for the Washington Talking Book & Braille Library - I'll get to read “Growing Up Trans,” a YA book that means a lot to me. I'll be continuing voice lessons with Lori Lynner to explore my vocal range and become a more confident singer, and also taking an unarmed theatrical combat class from the amazing Geof Alm at Cornish. And I'll continue revising my first screenplay, a found footage horror short called “Vault,” which will hopefully go into production in March or April!
And probably some other fun stuff because you know what? Living a creative life is FUN. Have a great end of ‘23, friends, and bring on ‘24!!
Outside the Binary
11/21/23: I came out as non-binary when I was 46. I always knew that's what I was, but didn't have a word for it for a long time, and thought just being an “alternative” woman would suit me well enough. I was wrong, and since coming out I've felt incredibly grounded in my whole self and my experience of gender. My kids call me Pare (short for “parent”) instead of Mom and, while I'm constantly having to remind others of my pronouns, I'm getting better about doing it in a way that feels understanding of others and still supportive of myself.
Soon after coming out I started to explore the world of film acting and getting back into performance in general. Immediately I was obsessed, and started training and studying as much as I could, starting to live the creative life I'd always wanted. I found a lot of support right away, and also started encountering some frustrating narratives around gender in the creative arts.
In my short few months of exploration, I've learned that the acting world still exists largely in a binary, heteronormative space, which is…a bummer. Many local agencies don't have a category for non-binary or trans people. Casting calls are almost always for male or female applicants, and you definitely can't find a book of monologues that doesn't separate out performances by gender. Queer lead or supporting roles are few and far between, and almost always heavily lean into stereotypes that are still split along gender lines. There are incredibly few stories being told that specifically include non-binary people, and therefore there's very little representation of my experience.
So what's a non-binary actor to do? Well, I'm kind of having to make this up as I go along because I have very few peers, but here's where I'm focusing my efforts! When I'm looking at a casting call, I apply for anything that I think I might be able to do regardless of the gender specified - half the films I've done so far were casting for male actors but ended up being open to me as a non-binary person. Even more fabulously, a couple of those films changed the character to be non-binary, meaning I get to be a part of increasing representation! I'm also getting ready to apply for representation, and I'm researching agencies carefully to make sure that they will represent me well - and of course, I'm not bothering with agencies that don't have a non-binary or trans category. I'm exploring writing and collaborating more with writers, trying to get more character depth and breadth into stories without over-gendering (is that a word??).
TL;dr: I'm eligible for all roles and no roles at the same time, which can feel confusing and isolating. Especially in a profession where we’re all playing parts anyway, isn't there a way to see beyond gender and more thoroughly explore character?
Vulnerability
10/25/23: I finished shooting my first two movies in one week (yup, you read that right). I was super psyched to participate in the Seattle Horror 48 Hour Film Project on the film “How to Kill a Pisces” with SubliminalEd - I went to the screening of our film on Sunday and then left for Olympia on Monday (after dying my hair black) for the week of principal photography on "The Cult of Zarheth" with Spinal Trauma Films. I stayed in a motel with my co-star Logan and acted my little butt off all week long through some challenging night shoots.
I learned a ton last week about film acting, professionalism, and on-set dynamics - it was an incredible crash course in filmmaking. But I also walked away from it with some big personal insights as well as a sense of where I want to learn and grow as I pursue this creative path. I talked to my partner in the middle of the week about some struggles I was having, and he told me he was impressed with the vulnerability I was expressing. That word hit me upside the head, and I realized it was the key to understanding everything I was experiencing. Through a lot of therapy and intentionality I've cultivated the ability to be more vulnerable and open, but I didn't know that my ability to do so was contingent on the people around me and the circumstances I put myself in. At home or with my friends and in familiar environments, it's a lot easier for me to feel safe and allow myself to be seen. Because of that, I hadn't realized that I didn't have the skill set to create that same sense of safety for myself around new people and in stressful situations. But in order to be a film actor, you have to be vulnerable. You have to know exactly what's going on with your emotions and in your own body if you're going to take on a different character, and if you don't feel safe to be vulnerable, you're going to struggle to do that.
I was able to refocus on taking care of and listening to myself, which helped me figure out what I needed in order to bring my whole self to these awesome opportunities. I learned a few important things (for instance, I need way more reps on lines than I think I do in order to really get them in my head so I can sink into the scene and be available). And I learned that perfect is definitely the enemy of good when it comes to film acting - if you screw something up, keep going, don't freak out and get in your head (thanks Jamie)!
I've got lots more acting opportunities coming up, and I'm really excited to bring what I've learned into those projects! Super grateful for everyone who's been a part of my journey so far, thanks for taking a chance on me!!
A Wild Ride
8/18/23: What an amazing month it’s been! I’ve been submitting for roles in short film projects, doing some auditioning and taking classes to learn more about the industry. While I of course hoped to have the chance to connect and work with more people, I didn’t expect to have as many awesome opportunities coming my way! The next month is pretty much filled with projects at this point: I have lead roles in two different short films (a mime and a hard-nosed detective), an acting role with a rad Seattle Horror 48 team, and a callback for a queer “dancical.”
Several of the casting directors I’ve engaged with have thanked me for things like my “passion” and “commitment,” and it makes me wonder if my approach is somehow different. I can’t imagine putting myself out there for something I wasn’t excited about, and I guess I’m not good at playing it cool. I am SO thrilled to have these chances to grow as an artist, and all I can think about is how much fun October is going to be.
That being said, I will be heading straight from a 48-hour filmmaking sprint into a week of night shoots in Olympia, so wish me luck LOL
Love Letter to S&U
7/14/23: I was a strength & conditioning coach for over 20 years, and founded an amazing gym called Strive & Uplift in 2017. I’m known all over the world as an expert on training for ultimate frisbee (an international sport) and as a mentor, leader and motivator in the fitness industry.
And in July of 2023, I sold the business and decided to turn my attention towards the one thing I’ve loved my whole life: performing and telling stories. I'd invested so much of myself (sometimes too much, especially in the pandemic) in the gym community, coaching team, and fitness world, and it's time for me to follow where my creative spirit and passion is leading me next!
Strive & Uplift is a community in movement. It's ever growing, ever-changing, and I have so much respect for the coaches, members and clients I've worked with over the years. I feel incredibly lucky to be able to step back from ownership and find my community still there with open arms.
If you're looking for a rad gym in Seattle, there's no place better than Strive & Uplift. I know that - not because I created this space, but because WE keep creating it, together, every day.
Photo by Sam Hotaling